The Second Anniversary: In Acknowledgment

The Lord has acknowledged the second anniversary of my health collapse by granting me a rare, good day this 2nd of May in 2014. I was well enough to take the kids outside for a few minutes after lunch. As I soaked in the heat and healing of the sun, I thought about the fact that one day there will be no need of a sun because we will have the Son with us for all eternity. He will be light, warmth and healing forever. The life humming in my cells in response to golden rays is a foreshadowing of the eternal state of my soul. Hallelujah!

The weather was perfect. I listened to songs of breeze and birds. I took the kids over to Dad's up and coming butterfly garden where flowers of every vibrant shade are blooming. We made our way to Daisy's grave where Dad planted the yellow rose bush in her memory. I miss that dog. Honeysuckle climbs the shady pine standing tall next to the little patch of still-bare red earth. I breathed deeply of its sweet, heady perfume. We made plans for the blackberries just beginning to emerge from the blooming brambles in our front yard. There will be pie! I found an autoimmune paleo approved recipe on Pinterest the other day. Lord willing, the kids and I will make it together. I wonder if the berries will be ripe before I leave for Mayo in a couple of weeks.

In the stillness of these moments, I have reflected on the scared, young mother I was two years ago. I quietly bless her heart with a sad, knowing smile. She thought she was dying while--in fact--she was coming alive for the first time.

The road has been admittedly difficult--full of heartache and disappointment. In many ways I am sicker today than I was two years ago. I had every intention of planning my "I'm healed"/30th birthday shindig at this time, but I still don't know the name of my disease--assuming there is a name--and my symptoms remain largely uncontrolled.

Nonetheless, I'm not sorry. I would not trade what I have seen and known of God for perfect health.
I have had the privilege of learning the meaning of the psalmist's words:

"Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.
He who continually goes forth weeping,
Bearing seed for sowing,
Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
Bringing his sheaves with him."
-Psalm 126:5-6

I have given Jesus my tears and brokenness. In return, He has given joy and wholeness--by giving Himself again and again and again. He is joy. He is wellness. If I miss this, I miss everything.

For all He has brought me through, for all He will do-- 

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."
--Psalm 103:1-5

I would like to dedicate this beautiful song to my Superman, who has faced with me the difficulties of these past two years with courage and faithfulness. You have loved me as Jesus has loved me--knowing me fully and loving all you know. Thank you, B, for drinking this cup with me, enduring the miles, and not leaving me to face the dragons alone. Happy second anniversary.

If you are new to my blog, I recommend these posts:

The Journey and A Rough Landing: The first post I wrote after my health collapse

The Rough Landing and A Journey: The one year anniversary post